I Wasn't Praying for a Husband, but He Still Showed Up!

  While many of my friends were reading Wait For Me and donning their “True Love Waits” rings/accessories/t-shirts/stickers (the early 00’s were really the time for these Christian Pop pieces), I was learning the value of purity for more than just saving yourself for marriage. While the girls in my youth group traded stories of how they just “bawled for hours last night” pouring out their hearts in prayer for their future husbands, or how they were “burdened” to write letters to him expressing all of their feelings, I sat back and wondered when the Mother Ship was coming back for them.

  Maybe that’s a little harsh, I should tell you I tried. I really, truly tried to sit before the Lord and pray for my future husband, I have so many wasted sheets of journal pages that simply read “Dear Future Husband,” and then nothing. In the end, that’s exactly what I had…nothing. No words to pray over the mysterious “him”, nothing I was burning to express to him as we waited for each other. What an emotionless wretch I was!

  No, no. That’s not the case at all. As a little girl, I loved my Barbie’s, but the drama of the on-again-off-again Barbie and Ken relationship was too much for me. I ADORED my dollhouse. There, a happy, healthy, successful family dwelled and I imagined up all kinds of Leave It To Beaver scenes for my perfect little family to play out. When I got a little older, I enjoyed the pre-teen Christian fictions about courtships and love. In my teens, I was a dedicated reader of Brio Magazine (once a magazine for Christian girls filled with articles of missions, devotions, and dating).  See! My emotions were there! As was the deep-seeded desire to someday be a wife.

  I wanted to be married, so why couldn’t I just start praying for the man I was supposed to marry! Well, that was just it. See, in those times of sitting before the Lord, feeling like a pathetic loser because it was just so awkward to pray for someone I didn’t even know yet, God was showing me something else…What if what I desired, wasn’t a part of His perfect will?

  Nowhere in the Word of God, does He promise that we will all be joined in marriage (except for the grand marriage when Christ will come to collect His Bride, the church), but He does promise that He has a perfect and prosperous plan for EVERY SINGLE ONE of His children! (See Jeremiah 29:11)

Sometimes, that perfect and prosperous plan of His doesn’t include the things we desire, even most deeply, including a husband.

When the Lord challenged me with the earlier stated question, I realized something. Part of my problem with the “true love waits” mantra was that it was leading so many to pray and seek THEIR will for THEIR lives. What I desired, even more that my perfect dollhouse dreams becoming my own reality, was to be in the center of the will of my Father. I wanted HIS will for the life HE gave me.

  I immediately stopped my pitiful attempts to pray for the husband I wasn’t even sure was coming, and began praying for the Lord to show me His will for my life and to prepare me for whatever that included.

  My desire for marriage didn’t fade away. In fact, it increased. I struggled a lot in early adulthood as I watched so many of my friends marry young. I wanted that too. But, because of what the Lord had revealed to me all those years ago, my heart was stirred to stop longing for my own desires and to seek again the will of God.  Because we serve a very faithful God, the more I prayed to know His will, the more He moved me to find it. Eventually, one of the moves He told me to make, lead me to meet a man named Joe…

  The Lord worked a lot of things out in both our lives to bring us together, and now we’re husband and wife! As I look back at our story, my most favorite part is that I don’t see God giving me what I wanted in bringing me into marriage with Joe, rather, I see God doing exactly what He promised and that is, showing me His perfect and prosperous will for me! And isn’t that the bigger picture for life? Isn’t that what we were made for? Isn’t that what we should so deeply desire?

“For everything was created by Him, in heaven and on earth, the visible and the invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities – all things have been created through Him and for Him.” –Colossians 1:16

  Friends, we were made FOR Him, FOR His glory!! Sometimes that means His glory is achieved through our covenant of marriage with another person, and other times this means He’s most glorified in us when we’re working solo. Either way, His glory should be our aim. He is good!

I know I’ve been long winded here, but I’d just like to end with a few clarifications.

  A.) I’m not trying to bash the “true love waits” campaign; I think it’s a nice idea. I know the Lord is pleased in mine and my husband’s purity entering into marriage, because it’s a testimony to the way we tried to love and cherish each other’s hearts. True love, really does wait.  

  B.) If you are praying for a husband, I’m not trying to mock you. Keep making your requests known to God, but I do ask you to check your heart. Are you praying for a husband because you find your worth in marriage, or is your heart really set on God’s ultimate will?

  C.) Marriage is a beautiful thing that God has created. I want everyone I know to get married just because I love being married so much! But church, we’ve got to stop. Do you know why it was so easy for so many young girls in my youth group to pray for their future husbands? To write love letters exposing the most intimate parts of their delicate and precious hearts? To hold their breath in anticipation every time a new guy walked into service thinking he just might be the one to put a ring on their finger? It’s because somewhere along the line, we made marriage THE thing. I’ve listened to many pastors tell me from the pulpit that I just need to wait patiently on the Lord for my spouse to come. THESE ARE EMPTY PROMISES YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS MAKING AND CERTAINLY CAN’T KEEP. God doesn’t declare that those who are called to be given in marriage are more righteous than those who are called to work for His Kingdom in singleness, so where do we get off implying that’s the case? Church, marriage is an amazing gift, I’m blessed by my own marriage on the daily, but let’s stop praying for all of the young people and singles to find their spouses. Instead, let’s start praying for each other differently. Let’s pray that EVERYONE would seek and know the perfect will of God for their lives whether single or married, so that they might BEST glorify the Father.

  I wasn’t praying for my future husband to show up. I was moving in the direction of God’s will for my life, trying my best to listen and obey, and in those moves God lead me to Joe.

4 Reasons Why You Won't Homeschool Your Children...And Then the Truth

I’ve been talking to a lot of people who have really strong opinions in the area of home schooling, yet they’ve never been homeschooled and never knew a homeschooled kid growing up. It wouldn’t be so bad, but then they find out I’m a product of homeschooling through my primary education and they don’t even pay attention to the first hand accounts of my own experiences. So I’m taking to the blog world.

There are a few disclaimers I’d like to lay out before we begin:

a.) I’m not writing this to say the EVERYONE should home school their children. I’m a teacher at a traditional school and I see the value of education in this form.

b.) I’m not writing this to bash traditional schooling, again, I’m a teacher. Please review disclaimer a.

c.) I do understand that not every home school kid had the great experiences I had, and this is not a blog to demean their hurt from experiences of their own. I am simply writing this because I’m tired of hearing some half-baked, poorly researched ideas of those who, frankly, don’t know what they’re talking about.

So here are the top 4 reasons why many will not home school their children…and then the truth of each:

1.  They’ll turn out to be social rejects that melt in the sun.

       It’s commonly thought that kids who are homeschooled either become or begin as those who don’t fit a similar mold to others in the peer-group. That they like the stereotype portrayed on TV or in books, actually wear Dungeons and Dragons capes and LARP in the park. Sometimes, that might be true, but didn’t we all know that same kid in high school? And he wasn’t even homeschooled…weird.

The truth: Sure, some home school families choose to separate themselves from most of the outside world, even (in extreme cases) demonstrating semi-cult-like behaviors, but they’re the rare exception. MOST home school families find ways to get their children outside (san cape) and explore the world around them. They even…wait for it…INTERACT with other human beings!

  

2. They won’t gain all of the experiences (or learning the important skill of basket-weaving) they need for the real world like they would in traditional school.

          Some people really claim this as a valid point to make. They think that home school kids are just holed up in their bedrooms all day calculating some crazy physics problems that will someday send rockets into space (because that’s never going to be useful) and they never get to make social exchanges, experience the value of winning and losing, or learn how to work and exchange ideas with others. If you’re home schooled you’re an island and apparently you’ll never learn problem-solving skills fit for the real world.

The truth: As a home school kid I faced bullies, put up with mean girls, developed great life-long friendships, learned how to win with grace and lose all the more gracefully, developed critical thinking skills (thanks goes out to my mom for making even spelling review time a philosophical discussion), and worked through problem-solving situations (this time I have to thank Aaron for never letting me win at Risk). I don’t buy this argument, not for a minute. I believe that home school environments can allow children to develop these and many other real-world applicable experiences. In fact, I think they’re even better when these experiences come their way because they have more one on one time WITH THEIR PARENTS (not strange teachers, faculty, school nurses or coaches) to discuss the situation at hand and how their choices impact their lives.

3. They’ll miss out on field trips and other fun, “school-y” things.

      Popular opinion says that home school kids are at a disadvantage because they missed out on that trip to the dairy in second grade, or they never experienced passing out Valentine’s to all the other little school kids. Shame on those home school parents for scarring their children for life! How will they ever make it as adults?!

The truth: In some cases, popular culture might be right. Maybe some HS kids never did visit the dairy nor did they ever experience the joy of bringing home dozens of boxes of those sugary hearts on Valentines Day. PSA: they were probably so busy doing other fun things, they didn’t even care. And now, they’re productive members of society. Another shocker, I did get my trip to the dairy, and every Valentines Day until the 8^th grade I gave out valentines to all of my friends and ate dozens of boxes of candy hearts. And I was homeschooled. How can this be?!

4. They will never get into college or find a job because no one hires home-schooled freaks.

          Talk in public circles has grown on this subject. While it actually is somewhat true that some colleges are considering home school students to be less valuable to their community than kids coming from traditional schools, mostly nothing is happening about it. Nonetheless, people will find any reason NOT to home school their children and this is another one of them.

The truth: Home school kids win again! They’re at an advantage here for several reasons:

1. People actually DO hire homeschooled kids and because their academic day isn’t stretched to fit some ridiculous 8-hor time frame, they can (and many do) begin working at 15 with more flexibility and availability for work hours. So, they’re learning work ethic and how to participate in a work environment earlier than their traditional school counterparts.

2. Home school kids test higher on entrance/exit/standard tests. There’s a lot of differing in opinions as to why this is, but from experience, I can say it is true and much of it has to do with the fact that such little time is wasted in a school day.

3. Because of #2 they’re already set up for success and have higher graduation rates than their traditional school peers. Statistics don’t lie (except when the do) but these ones are legit. More homeschooled kids graduate college than those who come from public or private schools. Again, lots of ideas floating around the public square, but I’ve got to think again that those one-on-one discussions about problem-solving had to have something to do with it.

If you’re still with me, I thank you. I hope that at the very least, you chuckled through some of these misconceptions and notions. Just as at the beginning I’d like to re-iterate, I am a teacher. I love to teach, and I see so much value in traditional schooling. But I can’t forget where I come from. I was a home school kid until the 9^th grade, when I entered a private high school and flourished thanks to the hard work and dedication my mom put in to making sure grades k-8 were packed with knowledge and experience.

I wanted to take a knock at some of these ideals because I think it’s important we address the real issue. It’s not for these reasons you’re not home schooling your children, YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO. It’s too much work/time, you’re afraid you’re not smart enough; you don’t want to ruin your relationship with your kids (another lie but that’s separate issue), etc. And I’ve got to tell you all of those reasons are JUST FINE. We all have different calls and convictions before the Lord and we need to stand by them. But lets stand by them honestly and stop making lame and even hurtful excuses and falsities as to why we aren’t doing what other people think we should. Rather, let’s stand in confidence knowing God calls some of us to teach our children in the home while He calls others to endeavor in the workforce. If you’re among the latter group, I would like to thank you for standing by your convictions and entrusting people like myself, teachers, with your precious ones.

But Even If Not...

A few weeks ago in church, we had a message on this phrase and it's seemed to play and replay in my mind since.
In Daniel chapter three the king, Nebuchadnezzar, decides to build this towering statue that is to be worshiped by pretty much everyone in his realm. Earlier in the book, he had brought in these four Jewish boys to work for him. At the time of this worship ceremony, three of them were noted to be in attendance: Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego. The ceremonial music began and everyone bowed down to the kings statue....except those three. The king was baffled, why wouldn't everyone want to fall at his command?! So, he tried again and this time he gave them an ultimatum, "But if you do not worship, you will immediately be cast into the midst of a furnace of blazon fire; and what god is there who can deliver you out of my hands?" (Daniel 3:15, emphasis mine)
Now, given those options, what would you choose? But before you answer that, here is their response:
"O Nebuchadnezzar we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter. If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." (Daniel 3:16-18)

Three things we can take away from Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego in their response to the king:

1. "He is able..." and "He will"-They knew the God whom they served (the LIVING God) was mighty to save them. Do we trust the same to be true in our own lives? I don't know about any of you, but I've never had my life threatened with the ultimatum of being thrown into a fiery furnace. If these three could have a firm faith in God as both rescuer and deliverer when faced with that kind of threat, then I am without excuse.

2. Their minds were on eternity- These guys knew their lives had an expiration date. They also knew the One who set it. For these men, there was no compromising. Live or die, they knew they answered to the Lord on High and NO MATTER THE THREAT only He can give live and ONLY He can take it away. They trusted and knew that if they were to die, it wouldn't be at the hands of a human king, but at the appointment of the Almighty.

3. "But even if not"- It would be easy for us to look at this phrase and say "Oh see, they don't have that much faith. They're clearly doubting that God can actually save them". It would be easy, but we would probably only be trying to justify our own lack of faith. This is not an example of doubt at all, but more proof of their faith . What these men show us in saying this is a recognition in knowing that God owes them nothing. He can choose to save them or He can choose to let them burn. And if He chooses the latter and it changes the way they perceive Him (as having less power and ability), then their witness and faith in God would be futile.

 You know, I find it interesting that this is the last time we read of these men for the entire rest of the book. They do survive the fiery furnace in a miraculous way (I encourage you to read Daniel chapter three to see how), but they are never heard from again in the book. What an example they leave behind.

Lately, God's brought some challenging situations into my life and I've had to make a choice will I bow and compromise and let my faith and knowledge of who God is just disintegrate? Or will I say, "even if not"?

When everyone else chooses to bow, I want to be the one standing.

Even if not,

He is still faithful

He is still good

I WILL still serve Him.

The Truth about the Lies

"You would never be good at that." "don't even waste your time, you'll just fail anyway." "you're too fat." "you're too skinny." 'you could never pull that off." "that's not your place." "you don't fit in here." "this is not where you belong." We've all heard it before....no? Okay, let's make it more personal then...

YOU fill in the blank,
"If you're not ______________, you're just not enough." 

Ouch.

When did life become about keeping up with the Joneses (or would it be more relevant for me to say Kardashians...or other people's Facebook statuses)?
Trust me, in this aspect of life, I can say I am the greatest of sinners. I've believed more lies than I could or care to count (boy, aren't you glad Love keeps NO record of wrongs?! phew). I understand the appeal to chase after them in hopes of conquering their abuse in our lives, but at the end of the day...WHY are we chasing them? These lies stand as scores in the comparison tournament. Sometimes the competitors in that tournament are just ourselves and other times we have several visiting opponents. Regardless of who the face-off is against, this battle for comparison is never ending. And it will always end in defeat for both present parties.
They're enticing, I know. They're believable, I understand. Sometimes we just aren't strong enough to recognize them, been there. They hold a lot of power over us, yes, but we need to recognize the ultimate source of our weakness here. It is not in falling for the deception or sinking in defeat of it. The real issue is that we have forgotten THE truth.

I'm not talking about the simple truths that are the antithesis of these lies, no, we have forgotten the Ultimate Source of Truth. Christ Jesus. The real problem here is not that the lies come, that fact does not display our weakness but rather, is a result of living in this flesh. The real problem is that when they come we so easily fall prey to them rather than seeking our King Jesus to see what He has to say, to remember His power and might, and to know how He defines us. The only comparison game we should really be playing here is comparing ourselves to becoming more like Christ. Will we fail? Oh, absolutely! But He gives grace in that. The definition of our life does not come through titles, occupations, dress sizes, or style. The definition of our life comes from the Lord God, and the fact that He has loved us enough to give us this breath makes us enough. If you're tired of trying to beat the lies...good! If you're sick of falling for the deception....good! The power of God and His love for us is greater than the power of the lies, it is more empowering than the deception, and it is the only way to defeat the falsities.

Still struggling to believe it's true? Here's just a glimpse of what God thinks of you:

-He calls you His child [John 1:12]

-He calls you redeemed [Romans 3:24]

- He calls you His friend [John 15:15]

-He promises to take care of you [Matthew 6:26]

-He will meet our needs [Philippians 4:19]

-He opens His arms for refuge [Deuteronomy 33:27]

- He has made you His heir [Romans 8:17]

-He accepts you [Romans 15:7]

-He has set you free from sin and death [Romans 8:2]

Paddling Together

My husband and I just got back from our honeymoon to Kauai! It was amazing, the island was beautiful, and our first traveling experience as Mr. and Mrs. was full of so many adventures! One of the things we were able to do while we were there was take a kayak trip that led us to a hiking trail through the jungle to a beautiful waterfall. It was so incredible and such a fun way to tour different parts of the island!

When you’re kayaking with another person you’ve really got to be in sink, paddling on the same side at the same time and keeping the same tempo. It sounds simple enough but it can get pretty tricky as you navigate against the flow of the river and into some very narrow and shallow channels. And If you do get out of rhythm you end up splashing each other, slowing down, and potentially tipping the boat. Thankfully, that last one didn’t happen to us but the other things did. It was really frustrating at the start of the trip. I was in the front thinking selfishly of my husband, “he can see what I’m doing, he should just be keeping pace with me! All he has to do is look ahead!”

I know what you’re thinking….and I already admitted…I SELFISHLY thought these things….

Well my little fit over the whole paddling situation didn’t ruin the whole day and the rest of the trip ended up being great!

But it really got me thinking, and in that thinking the Lord has shown me some awesome things that I want to share with you all…

In life, it’s really like we are in that kayak with Jesus. Paddling together down the river of life to destinations that hold hidden beauty. In our kayak Jesus is sitting in the front- leading and guiding, charting the route to our next destination. All we have to do is look ahead- to Jesus- and keep pace with him. It sounds simple enough right? And yet somehow, we can still manage to mess things up. We try to paddle too fast…to get ahead of God and His plans, to try to walk in OUR ways as if WE know best. Other times, we go too slow…we stay stagnant when God has told us to move. In both cases we lack faith and trust in God, oh how foolish our little hearts can be!

The beautiful thing about paddling with Jesus is that He doesn’t throw a fit (unlike myself) when we are lacking the common sense to look ahead or simply can’t keep up with Him. Instead, He is constantly looking back to us to encourage us, to grab hold of us, to steady our boats when we are near the tipping point. Even when we try to paddle our own way God’s gentle hand continues to guide, His loving arms hold us, He showers us with grace, and He will never jump ship and leave us to navigate the waters of life alone. He has called us his OWN and He is just waiting for us to paddle WITH Him.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

Spring Cleaning and The Potter's Hand

Yep, it's getting to be that time again...spring is on its way!!! Spring is my favorite season. The air warms up, the smell of freshly cut grass fills the air, and everything seems to be new again. Maybe that's the part I love the most, everything that was dead in the winter comes to life with the freshness of spring.              It's a lot like the condition of our hearts.

We've all been there.

The seasons of life that just seem more like a dreary winter than a crisp warm spring day. We've all walked through them, the days that are dry, cold, filled with striving and harsh conditions. It's not fun, and yet those seasons are often necessary to bring about a change and newness in our lives.

I've been walking through a season like this myself lately. I am finding lately, that everyday seems like a confrontation with my sin and brokenness. I have been carrying a lot of stress about so many different things.
I could try to justify this condition away, however, the fact of the matter is, that I have CHOSEN to carry stress about these silly little things, rather than CHOOSING joy about the beautiful blessings the Lord has and is bringing into my life. What has been coming out of the abundance of my heart lately has not been pretty, what I am seeing in myself is that I am just as broken and sin-filled as anybody out there. It is not easy to look into your heart and see what a mess it is, but what the Lord can do to clean things up is really miraculous and beautiful...and that's something I'm learning about lately.

"But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him."- Jeremiah 18:4

We sure can do a lot to mess things up. We are always fighting a battle between our flesh and spirit and all too often, our flesh is the victor. Because of our sinful and wicked hearts, we come to the Father as the marred clay. The clay that is useless, lifeless, has nothing good to offer. But God, the skillful Potter, rebuilds us, redeems us, gives us a new name and shape. God, the Potter, crafts us into a beautiful vessel that can be used to serve, that has life, that is pleasing to Him.

Friends, only God can see our potential amidst all of our broken and spoiled pieces, and He has the skillful hands to not simply put us back together, but to make us completely new. Praise Him, and let Him do some spring cleaning in your heart today. It may not be pretty and probably won't feel so good, but it is only by clearing away what is the dead of winter, that spring time can come.

always,
Kaity

Remember What is Behind, and Looking Forward to What is Ahead

So 2014 is almost over and this year has really flown by. I am glad to have had the past two weeks off just so that I could take some time to breathe! To tell you all that 2014 has held and taught me would take up far too much room on this blog, but I can summarize it all into one word....WOW. This year has been so so exciting from finishing my degree, to my first year of teaching, to becoming engaged, and planning a wedding. At this time last year, I never could have even imagined all these things that were coming my way, it is absolutely crazy what happens when you just take the steps each day that God is asking you to take, look up! He is leading you to great things! 

2014 has been a year full of healing, full of restoration, full of powerful moments where I could do nothing else but stand in awe of how big my God is. 2014 has taken me to some great peeks and some low valleys, I have celebrated, rejoiced, and experienced challenge. 2014 has been a year to remember, it has held some life changing milestones, it will forever mark my life. But you know, I am really excited to put it behind me. That's crazy right?! Such an amazing year, filled with amazing moments, wouldn't you want to enjoy it? Yes, and I have, but the growth and lessons, and chapters of this year are over and as amazing as they have been, it is time to pick up what I have learned, take what God has shown me, and carry it all with me into the even more glorious adventures that 2015 will hold.

I could really say a lot about the various things I have learned in this year, but I will speak to the biggest lesson I have been experiencing. God's ways are so much different from our ways. His plans are so much better than any we could conjure up for ourselves. I'm a planner, I like to make plans, I like to know that things are going to happen, I like to know when they are going to happen. My life works in a schedule. And I like it that way. But this year, God threw my schedules and plans out the window and said, "trust me, let's walk." And I did. Sometimes not on my own, sometimes He was pushing me through, but we walked. You know what I discovered along the way? God is a very personal God. He doesn't just know things about us..He knows us. All of us. Every part, minute detail, deep concern, hidden secret, most precious longing. He knows. And when we are walking closely with Him, we get to experience how well He knows us, we get to know His great plans for us.

As 2015 comes, I want to continue this walk with my Savior. I want to continue to experience His deeply personal love, and His incredible plans for me. I want to know Him more, I want to learn to love Him better. 2015 is going to hold some more remarkable milestones, I'm getting married, changing my name, beginning a new life with my soon-to-be husband. 2015 will be another year to mark my life, but I don't want to make any plans for it (expect those wedding plans, they are kind of important!). I want to be available to walk with God alongside my husband, I don't want to miss out on the beautiful things He would have in store for us. I am stoked to discover them! Stay tuned to find out what they are.

Happy New Year my friends!
xo,
Kaity

The Lord bless you

    and keep you;

 

the Lord make his face shine on you

    and be gracious to you;

 

the Lord turn his face toward you

    and give you peace. 

-Numbers 6:24-26